Terrified

On Monday I'm going to go into a school to do work experience for two weeks and then straight afterwards I have a weekend to move back into Canterbury and start learning my stuff for this year.

I have Linear Algebra followed by Probability and Inference on my first day back, neither of which I'm particularly looking forward to. If I were sensible then I'd be doing some reading up on them before I get back.

Today I'm going to make myself feel prepared by buying a fully stocked pencil case.

Do you have the time?

*doorbell rings*
Mother: could you get the door?
*three 13y/olds at the door*
Me: yeah?
Kids: Hi Urm, do you have the time?
Me: Lul, wut?
Kids: Do you have the time?
Me: It's urm, about twenty past six.
Kids: oh fuck, well thanks anyway, bai.
*close door and return to living room*
Mother: wtf?
Me: inorite.

Also, today I guilted Mhari into subscribing to me, lulz.

Greatest e-mail ever?

It's my understanding that Obama automatically follows back everyone who follows him on Twitter, hence this brilliant e-mail.

Obviously here you are looking at my social networking folder, I do really get e-mails that aren't from facebook.

I seem to have stopped writing

I tend to write a lot, but I haven't written anything for ages. I'm not happy about this.

Yootooberz

On Saturday I met a load of awesome people from the Internet.

The funny thing about meeting awesome people from the Internet is that you already know they're awesome before meeting them so that aspect isn't all that surprising.

I don't really want to give a detailed account, because other people will do it better. (protip: if you comment, then people will be able to find your detailed account on your blog easier like.)

I think I was a bit too untalkative, which isn't a word, and I couldn't really help being a bit of an outsider, oh well.

What the fuck is a 'PASS'?

So in an idle moment before my head hit the pillow I checked around the Student Data System which is where I get things like timetables and coursework marks.

What I stumble across is

You have been awarded a PASS in Mathematics

Full information will be contained in a detailed transcript which will be forwarded to you as soon as possible.

Which bugs me because I don't know if that means I've actually passed the first year or if that's just their way of putting things. I've been on this earth long enough to release that clarity is not exactly anyone's strong point, at all.

I don't have any more information to go on, I checked my university e-mails and I rifled around in the post to see if anything had been sent to me but got missed. There's nothing. This has set me off panicking like hell and there's no-one on-line let alone IRL that I can moan at about this because well, it's more or less exactly the middle of the night when I'm writing this.

I'd like to explain the implications of a 'pass' in more detail (it doesn't mean anything as damning as what it means in college, for instance) but I really don't know myself.

You might want to tell me that I should be happy about this because a pass probably is a pass but I really don't want to get my hopes up lest it results in me really fucking myself over. Also this has brought my exam results to the front of my mind again.

These are, odly, the first exam results that I've got really emotional about. I wasn't one of those people who said 'oh, I don't care', but I did stand by the 'there's nothing you can do about it now' maxim. The thing is, if I've fucked up this time, then I might loose something that I actually want. That's why, like I perhaps should have been before my GCSEs and ALevels, I'm scared.

In other news, nothing is definite or confirmed or certain or verifiable. I have no idea what next week has in store for me.

I think I need to be more proactive with my life now.

Ce message n'est pas du Spam.

I am waiting to finish my exams. I am waiting for my exams to be finished. It's not like it's me doing them any more, I've got just one left and I feel completely distanced from it, I don't care about doing it or not just so long as the exams period can be over soon.

In a very strange way I miss Essex or at least I really want to be back there now, last time I was there it didn't feel completely like home but right now I don't think Darwin college is my home either. (I'm existentially homeless, how pretentious can you get?) Right now I'm bored, stressed and apathetic towards everything, I'd much rather be feeling all of that in my parent's house.

The title of this blog is taken from some spam that I got today, I found it kind of amusing.