Blog is an awful word.

I'm subscribed to an awful lot of blogs on Google Reader. I try to read them all as much as I can. Some are blogs owned by friends, some by celebrities (y'know, our type of celebrity, not the boring type) and some by people who I don't know anything about but who write interesting blogs.

Blog is an awful word for something that people spill thier hearts and thier brains over. Vlog is an worse word. The sound just has no romance to it. Diary sounds better but it isn't the same thing.

Anyway, one of the blogs that I read regulary is is Hayley's (from 5AGirls) which she regulary fills with epic quotes from pieces of great literature. Her other posts are fairly personal ones which bare no relevance to me, having met her once and never really spoken to her. It bugs me like hell that someone significantly younger than me has read so much more than me and has a proper appreciation for literature.

I have an A-Level in English (lit&lang) so I think it's fair to say that I can read - I just don't do so as much as I used to or as much as I'd like to. A lot of my friends study English actually, and what I'm coming to realise is that I really miss it. Don't get me wrong, I love what I'm studying at the moment but I am getting really nostalgic for discussing books with people who know them well and can explain all the bits that I don't get.

I have a whole lot of homework to be getting on with, some of which I am motivated to do and some of which just gets me angry at myself every time I start to stuggle with it. I am more or less optimistic about this term - I'm having regular meetings with the senior tutor which is helping me keep on top of things and not get lost in my own apathy and fustration. I think if I were studying something that involved more conversation that maths then I'd be able to keep engaged closer to 100% of the time.

Again, I am doing to degree that I want to do and that isn't going to change.

I really want to start asking tutors for help more often, which isn't practically difficult but I'm still sort of afraid to do it. Fears of failure or of looking stupid seem to be self fufiling profecies.

My social life is sort of all over the place - I'm closer to people that are further away and I'm feeling aliented when I'm with people I see every day. Nothing is wrong, at all, not with anything. Or at least nothing that I can't handle. But I still find myself moping and not bothering to work or to talk to people. I'm acting like a bloody teenager.