I was supposedly door-keeping, but that seemed to be forgotten by the people who would rather they did it, so overall I didn't do much. I set out chairs and put chairs away but for the few hours in between that, that's all I was doing: for lack of room I wasn't even in the Meeting.
Family members cried, friends ministered and it was all very much like you would expect a funeral to be like. I stood just outside of the room without a chair, wondering if Geoff would really have cared about me being there. Since I hadn't even been door-keeping I don't think I was serving much purpose there. I knew I wouldn't be led to speak and I can't but think I shouldn't really have been there in the first place.
I was thinking about what Advice and Queries had to say about funerals:
(30) Are you able to contemplate your death and the death of those closest to you? Accepting the fact of death, we are freed to live more fully. In bereavement, give yourself time to grieve. When others mourn, let your love embrace them.
Honestly only the last bit seemed relevant yesterday, and I don't think I was able to do even that. I'm not in a position to be comforting anyone, let alone healing any wounds. Maybe I'm too young to have to worry about that for now, maybe I should just hang around anyway until I'm needed.
