Blog is an awful word.

I'm subscribed to an awful lot of blogs on Google Reader. I try to read them all as much as I can. Some are blogs owned by friends, some by celebrities (y'know, our type of celebrity, not the boring type) and some by people who I don't know anything about but who write interesting blogs.

Blog is an awful word for something that people spill thier hearts and thier brains over. Vlog is an worse word. The sound just has no romance to it. Diary sounds better but it isn't the same thing.

Anyway, one of the blogs that I read regulary is is Hayley's (from 5AGirls) which she regulary fills with epic quotes from pieces of great literature. Her other posts are fairly personal ones which bare no relevance to me, having met her once and never really spoken to her. It bugs me like hell that someone significantly younger than me has read so much more than me and has a proper appreciation for literature.

I have an A-Level in English (lit&lang) so I think it's fair to say that I can read - I just don't do so as much as I used to or as much as I'd like to. A lot of my friends study English actually, and what I'm coming to realise is that I really miss it. Don't get me wrong, I love what I'm studying at the moment but I am getting really nostalgic for discussing books with people who know them well and can explain all the bits that I don't get.

I have a whole lot of homework to be getting on with, some of which I am motivated to do and some of which just gets me angry at myself every time I start to stuggle with it. I am more or less optimistic about this term - I'm having regular meetings with the senior tutor which is helping me keep on top of things and not get lost in my own apathy and fustration. I think if I were studying something that involved more conversation that maths then I'd be able to keep engaged closer to 100% of the time.

Again, I am doing to degree that I want to do and that isn't going to change.

I really want to start asking tutors for help more often, which isn't practically difficult but I'm still sort of afraid to do it. Fears of failure or of looking stupid seem to be self fufiling profecies.

My social life is sort of all over the place - I'm closer to people that are further away and I'm feeling aliented when I'm with people I see every day. Nothing is wrong, at all, not with anything. Or at least nothing that I can't handle. But I still find myself moping and not bothering to work or to talk to people. I'm acting like a bloody teenager.

That Skype Meme

This has been going around a lot, people are writing a message to each of their Skype contacts, like so.

- I'm not good at making friends that quickly, try not to expect too much of me.

- I love that you bothered to start talking to me.

- The first time we met was weird, but my opinion of you has steadily risen ever since.

- We hardly ever talk, but whatever.

- I don't think I should spend every conversation I ever have with you in competition.

- You are very smart, don't waste it.

- My efforts to make friends with you are continuously stymied by your efforts to make friends with everyone.

- I don't get you in the slightest.

- You're fucking weird, good on you.

- We have nothing in common at all and we shouldn't work as friends, but what should be never really happens.

- I am fucking fed up of having to justify the fact that I like you. You know that you're awesome and it would be swell if you could show some other people.

- I'm nostalgic for our friendship, which is weird because it was at it's peak less than a year ago.

- You being nice to me has had a bigger effect that I could really describe.

- You know full well that you upset me and you think it's okay because I still say that I love you, I hate that.

- I guess you'll live your life and I'll live mine, we'll meet up occasionally and exchange notes.

- I don't think this is your real account.

- However little we talk, I still sort of feel that we grew up together, I think you've had a pretty big influence on me.

- I'll never stop learning while you're around.

- You've got a lot to say but not the voice to say it, you remind me of myself and it scares me.

- I don't any more feel like I need to justify myself to you, I don't ever feel the need to impress you and when I'm around you there is no way that I have to act. I love that.

- I'm sorry but I can't trust you and I wont ever confide anything in you. You remind me too much of people who have bullied me or taken advantage of me in the past. It's worse because you'll never understand this.

- You're a friend on two completely separate levels, one of which really shouldn't exist because it is going to destroy the other.

- Everyone loves you and with good reason. You're a case study for the fact that awesome people do exist.

- I wish I could show you a way out of the labyrinth.

Obviously not everyone is included.